I wish I could write how much my heart believes this-and encourage you to believe this as well.
But today, I'm a coming to your humble, and honest.
I've realised lately, as I went back through my journal, that the number one thing I've struggled with this past year, was God being able to provide for our needs "according to His riches and glory". How silly right? Because a year has gone by now, and He HAS provided for us.
But over this past month, we've had to step out on the water. We've had to trust that God will now, provide for us. We need much more to survive this year than we did last year-because we took a step of faith.
It's my fault really. Be careful what you ask for! I've asked the Lord for Him to make me so dependent on Him, that I'd live a life similar to the prophets of old, like Moses, Abraham, Joseph...none of them knew where they would get their necessities-or did they? "Abram put his faith in the Lord, who attributed it to him as an act of righteousness." (Gen 15:6) And we all know how Abraham was blessed over and over again-by kings even after he lied to them that his wife was his sister-they turn around and gave him possessions too great to count.
So what's my problem? Look at Joseph...He was thrown into a well, despised by his family, and we know how that story goes-"But the Lord was with Joseph, and showed him kindness by making the chief jailer well-disposed toward him..." (Gen 39:21)
Why is it so hard then, for me to trust the Lord, even after I see Him time and time again, provide for those He loves? Do I question if He loves us? No. I know He loves us. Is it that I don't trust Him? Maybe, I must search my heart more, because I want to trust Him. I want to live a life so trusting of His ability to provide for us-that I don't worry. Ahhh....there it is-"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." (Phil 4:6) There is a reason why my favourite book of the Bible is Philippians-it's truly because everything I want to hope and believe is in that short book.
So what is it? I'll tell you what I think it is...my eyes are not focusing on Him in those moments when those thoughts come to mind....it's but only a moment that I let them take root-and that's all it takes, for it to grow into a tree...do I believe that God is less powerful, less able to provide than reality? Because I guess, I'm believing that He will leave us here, stranded...that He called us to this nation, this people and this mission-to only leave us once we got here, to fail.
Oh God, forgive me my unbelief. Forgive me for doubting you. Help me Lord. Help us-always trust that you are more than able to provide for us-according to your riches and glory.
Please pray for me, that my doubt will turn into faith-and that I will be able to share with you, the God stories of His provision...because He's already given us one that needs to be in a book-I promise to share it with you...another day, another time.
I pray God blesses you, and proves to you, His faithfulness and promises. Always.
From Ireland-
~Larena Ann
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