Remembering....

I remember being 18.
I rededicated my life after a close, dear friend of mine died of colon cancer at 18.
It woke me up, it opened my heart to the love of Jesus. I was changed forever.

I remember reading the Bible for the first time in ages. Remember how it became alive to me for the first time in my life.

"Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God."
(Matthew 4:4)

I remember the thrill I would have when reading, and something piecing my heart in a way I never knew a book could. But this isn't any book, it's living and active, sharper than any double edged sword. (Hebrews 4:12)

Today, Jesus reminded me of something.
The verse that stood out to me the most, was always Matthew 10:37-39 "If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if
you give it up for me, you will find it."

It burned deep inside my heart. I wanted to live that life. I wanted to lay down everything that I am, and have for this Savior that I love so much. I remember being 19, and praying that the Lord would give me the opportunity to live such a life.

Not long after, He told me He was calling me to Ireland. And little did I know, that He had all the details planned out. All of them. Every single one.

Chris and I had a house and home for 6 years, we had our family and friends. We had animals that were like children to us. We had fantastic jobs, doing ministry in our wonderful church. Yet, this longing, deep inside me, the chance to prove to Jesus that I was willing to lose it all for Him, burned deep in both our hearts.

So I posted photos of our home, the home we have now. It does not replace the home we use to have, or the beautiful life we use to live...however, I have to admit, I started to feel guilty for posting them...
Why?

Because we are missionaries, and aren't missionaries suppose to live in shacks, barely making it in life? Well trust me, I haven't lost weight just because the food is more organic! There are many, many sacrifices we have made.

But so many people were commenting how beautiful it is, and how blessed we are. And I started to realize something-we don't deserve this great blessing. We don't deserve any good thing. But God has given it to us freely.

And as I was sitting there feeling guilty-He reminded me of 2 things...
1. Guilt is not from God.
2. Mark 10:29
"And Jesus replied, "I assure you, that everyone who has given up house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or property, for my sake and for the Good News, will receive now in return, a hundred times over, houses, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and property-with persecutions. And in the world to come they will have eternal life."

Friends, He keeps His word.
I'll lose it all again if He asks us.
He is such a great God-one worth losing your life for. That's when you truly find it.
From Ireland,
~Larena Ann