I miss things all the time.
I miss the little things, that mattered so much.
I miss going through the drive through of Dunkin Donuts with my sister Julie, and all our deep talks. I miss moments with my mother over a home cooked breakfast. I miss stealing moments with my sister Chrissy off to Starbucks talking over life. I miss my family-all of them, all the time.
I miss my little Gimli Lynn, and Pippen Toonk. They brought joy to our lives day in and day out. Sometimes, out of no where, even after almost 2 years, I can hear the clitter clatter of Gimli's nails on our floor...and then I realize I'm only imagining the sound I took for granted every day.
I miss our church, our treasured second family-working on a staff of wonderful people, and friends. I miss those relationships and our dear friends that have growing families and lives that we can only watch from afar.
When we look at our budget every month, I miss the days where I didn't have to wonder where the funds would come from. I knew the paycheck would come in every two weeks, and it would cover everything. I miss not having to have such a huge faith, where a scripture like 2 Corinthians is what I need to constantly renew my mind over.
A lot of times too, at different stages, I miss individual things that I sold, or gave away.
For about 2 months, it was one item in particular.
If you don't know this about me, I'm incredible sentimental. So every single item that I gave away, or sold...as I was handing it to the new owner, I was having a small funeral for it. I thought of the moment I bought it, or it was given to me-the memory connected to it, and if there was any symbolism to it (which 9 out of 10 times there was). Needless to say, those days where some of the hardest days I've ever faced emotionally.
But for some odd reason, this one item kept coming back to mind.
It was a willow tree figurine. She was the one that was given to me by my mother in law on Christmas morning, years before we got to the missions field.
She was holding a pure white lamb, and she was called "Peace on Earth".
I cherished her. She has the same color hair as me, even with waves, and a earthy green dress on. It symbolized Ireland. It symbolized us one day being back in Ireland. That was the promise.
I gave her away to one special individual who went completely out of her way, to put on an entire event to help us raise funds to move overseas. I wanted to give this item to her, because of how much it meant to me.
But the figure kept coming to my mind in my quiet times. I have Ireland now, so why did I miss that figure so much? Why did I want her back?
I went on-line only to find her very expensive. I couldn't buy her back.
So I let her go, again.
I was sharing one day with a friend here, my moments of grief due to the things we left behind. I mentioned the willow tree figurine, and how sometimes even little things like that hurt. I shared that sometimes I wonder if God will ever replace the things we gave away.
Don't get me wrong, we knew what we were doing when we accepted this call, and we did it with a cheerful heart! It was the deepest desire of our heart to give up everything, for the call of God on our lives. But we're still human. We have emotions and feelings, and I've always felt emotions very deeply.
Chris and I were walking down one of the roads here in Galway when we first moved over. I was grieving the loss of so much, in such a short amount of time. We were trying to filter through the pain of it, and I heard the still small voice of the Lord break through and say, "I will replace everything you have lost, starting with your book."
Now this book went missing on my 23rd birthday. I had held onto it since my childhood. It was the only thing I had left from my childhood. I took 4 years looking for it, but the book was so rare, I never found it. In fact, I obsessed over it so much, and the Lord asked me to let go of it. So 3 years before, I stopped looking for it. I tried to forget it, in obedience to God.
So when I heard Him say that, I felt He was giving me the green light to look again. But how? I'd never find it! I had looked for 4 years without success. That night, when I was looking on-line, I heard his voice again say, "Look up bye-bye baby bunting." It was the first story in the book. I did, and would you believe, the photo of the story came up on a persons' blog, and they gave the author's name, and the book title, which I had been searching for, for years because I couldn't remember the details of it!
Chris went on ebay, to look up the book. We found one! I couldn't believe it! But then we looked at the price $600! My heart sank....so why did God bring us this far? Was that it? Did He give me all that info, only to show us that the book was out there, but still unattainable? I had to trust that He would replace it, if He said He would, He would. I had to believe that.
Chris kept checking, and to our delight, another copy popped up for $6, just in time for my 30th birthday. It was my first sign, that He would do what He said, He would replace all that I had lost.
Last week Monday morning during my quiet time, I thought of my figure again. I prayed to God and told him that I would really like her back someday.
Tuesday afternoon, my friend Rebecca came over for small groups. When she was out looking for a butter dish, she found in a town over an hour away..guess what she found? Yup, "Peace on Earth". She said she knew she wouldn't find her butter dish, because she was suppose to get that little figurine that I had mentioned weeks before. I couldn't believe it.
Little did she know that object was another promise to my heart that God would replace all that which we have lost. He had used her to impact my heart in a very deep way.
I hope this brings encouragement to you as you read this. I know I wrote it, because I need encouragement right now, and sometimes the only way I can encourage myself, is to write out something the Lord has done in my life, which was so intentional, I know without a doubt, it was Him.
Hold onto what the Lord has said to you, He is faithful and just to complete it.
It's just the little things that help you keep going, when you are hurting and missing things, when so far from all that you left behind. I rejoice in those precious moments, and I want to log them, and share them, with everyone-just to remind myself, and everyone how great is the God we serve!
From Ireland
~Larena Ann
In this photo-"Stories from Childhood" the book God gave back to me after 7 years.
To the right- "Peace on Earth" the reminder of a promise.
No comments:
Post a Comment